David Hasselhoff, in the video for "True Survivor", does the splits in front of a fiery explosion and sings.

Nothing Matters Now Except for David Hasselhoff’s “True Survivor”

Get ready for the music event of the year. The video for “True Survivor” is David Hasselhoff’s greatest gift to humanity.

(Spoiler alert!) The description reads like a Stefon sketch from SNL. “This video has everything. Hockey masks, monochrome computer screens, Conan the Barbarian’s girlfriend. That German guy from Baywatch.”

Seriously, I haven’t even scratched the surface yet.

Just watch it. You’re welcome, readers. And danke — DANKE — Mr. The Hoff.

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